I'll make it clear, Christmas and I - we're not friends.... it doesn't love me, or my wallet and that's not to mention how much it hates my waistline but what I really hate is the unending demands to make Christmas cards (too glittery for my liking) paper chains (gluey tongue taste- urgh!) and Christmas tree/ reindeer/ angels decorations for the tree (tacky as hell and the kids will insist on you putting up the mouldy salt dough decorations they made when they were two) But Halloween arts and crafts? Now that is fun....
This year I was helping a friend out with her party by providing games and decorations and suchlike.... I had a great time making them- I had to fend the kids off with a sharp stick in case their 'helping' ruined my masterpieces... I mean who doesn't love making giant zombie posters and huge Mayan skulls? Who doesn't love that? Freaky weirdo's- that's who.
So here is a photo montage of my past few weeks fun times, roll on next Halloween say I....
Here are the gravestones we made from cardboard boxes and I say we, but what I actually mean is that I deigned to let the children paint them black and then shoo-ed them away before they ruined my masterpiece. We had the idea that these would go in the garden and then someone would jump out on the kids during the party. It would have been great... but it was raining- typical. So no heart attacks this year.
This is the 'pin the eye on the zombie' game- we made many eyeballs for the kids to stick upon the missing eye socket- the game itself was a bit if a disaster on the night (we had forgotten a blindfold and had to rely on the kids covering their own eyes and not cheating- ha!) but I do really like this picture as I have somehow managed to pap my own hand with a spooky Halloween effect- awesome! I can't claim that much credit for any of the zombies whom I basically nicked from my 'The Walking Dead' graphic novels but you know copying something can be a fine art in itself.
and in the same vein here are the back door decorations- three zombies pushing up against the glass trying to get in- which would have probably looked pretty awesome had it not been raining.
This was the 'squidy feely' table- within the holes in the piece I placed jelly for brains, a boiled egg for an eyeball, rice pudding for snot and a cooked mushroom for a tongue. This was a big hit and I was really pleased with it because is took AGES to finish! However it had the added bonus of being completely free to make (aside from the cost of the glue) Score!
My most accomplished piece of work (in life in general) Baron Samedi and the Voodoo Queen- bless 'em- no run-of-the-mill bog-standard Vampire costume for them....
And here's me, the creepy rag doll... I thought I looked great but I didn't win the costume competition- some people have no taste....
and finally, Saul wrote a wonderfully creepy story in the style of Rhoald Dahl for the kids. I loved it... here it is
Joseph and Josie Wilington-Thatch
Would mess around at the allotment patch
When Mum, or Dad were bent in toil,
Weeding, or planting in the soil,
They’d be off engaged in mischief
She was a vandal, he was a thief.
One day while Josie was kicking a marrow
Joseph turned up with a shiny wheelbarrow
That he had stolen from allotment eight
With some strawbs from plot 5, that he sat and ate
“Give me some berries” said his wretched sister
He aimed one at her head, but sadly it missed her.
Scoffing them back he looked around,
For something to steal and wrench from the ground,
His eyes settled on a pumpkin plantation
Under a willow tree and under much vegetation
The fruit that it yielded were rare in their size
Swelled were his eyes
at the thought of this prize
He yelled to his sis, “clap your eyes on those melons”
“Pumpkins stupid” said the second of the felons
“Whatever” said Joseph, “You know what I mean”
“And it’s only a few night ‘til its Halloween”
“Our Jack-o-lantern will be the envy of the street”
“And we’ll make pumpkin pie for us to eat”
So they wheeled their barrow up to the bush
Selected the largest and gave it a push
Such was the girth of this monstrous growth
That it stuck in the earth and took them both
Considerable time to wrench it free
You may not believe it, but it sounded to me
That as it broke from its roots ‘neath the soil and the clay
The very ground moaned and the willow did sway
But Joseph and Josie were already heaving
The huge pumpkin in to the cart and leaving
To hide it in the boot of Mum’s car
It took twenty minutes (and it wasn’t that far)
They got it in at the very last moment
As Mum broke from digging in the allotment
And hollered to them “Come now it’s time to be going”
“I’m all done planting here and the grass needs mowing”
When they got home and Mum looked in to the boot
She was appalled to find their stolen loot
But it was by then too late to return the squash
“It’s a sin to waste food and we’re short on dosh”
So Dad was summoned to heft it inside
They soon found it even too big to reside
On the kitchen table, so it was placed
On the floor, so Mum could carve it a face
Though her knife was sharp and she really tried
She could not break its leathery orange hide
“It’s just too thick” was her exclamation
She slumped on the floor in utter frustration.
Dad tried and succeeded in bending the blade
But on closer inspection, no mark had he made
He too defeated started to smile
And rummaged in his drawer for a while
He produced a black marker and drew on the features
When he’d finished there glared a fearsome creature
Spiked pumpkin teeth and terrible eyes
It gave their pet cat a nasty surprise
When she came in to the kitchen to beg them for scraps
She hissed at it and shot out of the both the cat flaps
They went to bed after supper at nine
And for most of the night all slept fine
But at around 3 Joseph woke with a start
He could hear the beating of his heart
But also a scraping, squelching sound
Coming closer on the ground
At the foot of his aeroplane bed
He shook the sleep from his tired head
And summoned the courage to peek from the duvet
What he saw chilled him and took his breath away
For there on the carpet and staring right back
Was the evil face of pumpkin jack
But how had it moved in the middle of the night
All the way up stairs to give him a fright?
As he pondered this question in his tiny head
The pumpkin spoke and it’s voice dripped dread
“Take me back to the Pumpkin Patch”
“Or you’ll regret it Joseph Thatch”
Joe stammered his terrified reply
“I’ll take you back” was his snivelling cry
“I’m sorry I took you, I’ve been so amoral”
“I’ll never steal anything again – no quarrel”
He shot under the blanket and pulled it down tight
He did not sleep a wink all night
In the morning the pumpkin was back in its place
The same deranged look on its nasty face
He could not eat his cornflakes, felt it’s eyes burning
black
Suddenly he spluttered “Can we please take it back?”
His father looked up from doing the crossword
“Take what where son? come now make yourself heard”
“Take the pumpkin
back to where it belongs”
“I stole it and now I repent, it was wrong”
His mother laughed, “that’s a turn for the book”
“He wants to return something that he took”
“This being the first time he has shown some remorse”
“I’m keen we support him and not throw him off course”
“I’ll drive you down there later today”
“But you’ll have to carry it yourself by the way”
His sister did not trust his rapid change
And thought his behaviour very strange
She caught him later on his own
And asked what had prompted his change of tone?
He told her of the events of the night before
How he was utterly, totally sure
That if the stolen squash was not taken home
It would probably eat them and spit out their bones
She sniggered at the thought of a little nightmare
Giving her big brother such a scare
And called him a “scardey-cat cowardly custard”,
As yellow as margarine, lemon curd or mustard
She laughed all the way back to the pumpkin bush
Where Joseph rolled it back in to place with a push
Josie couldn’t resist and gave it a kick
Delighted with this she picked up a big stick
And raised it high to smash on the fruit
When out of the ground curled a tangled root
It gripped her ankle and pulled her down with a scream
There was only one of her hair ribbons where she’d been
Before Joseph could cry out, he too was gripped
With a creeper that held him too tight to be slipped
It pulled him down deep in to the mud
Up through the plant and out as a bud
That formed quickly in to large crops on the ground
Bright orange fruits, both succulent and round.
As it so happened that very day
The mayor of the town was passing that way
He spied the two
pumpkins laying there
And decided they would be perfect for the Halloween fair
He instructed his assistant Miss Moutengrip
To lift them and take care not to slip
with the gigantic pair of squash
in fact the Mayor’s brain was awash
with the accolades and prizes the he would receive
when ‘best in show’ the fruits did achieve.
When evening came, whilst their poor parents despaired
For their young children, missing and scared
Their gruesome fate was finally revealed
Josie had been cooked up, chopped and peeled
And made into the most glorious pumpkin pie
To share amongst the village and houses nearby
Joseph, he took pride of place
With the most scary face
Gnarled, frightful and thin
Carved into his pumpkin skin
So as you carve your pumpkin this Halloween night
Be sure it’s not stolen, or you might get a fright!
So for now, I am off to finish my newest graphic story (to be posted fairly soon) and I will keep editing my novel which will soon, hopefully be done after only a decade of writing it.
