Zombies! Grrrrrrrr!

Oh how I love apocalyptical zombie stuff... it's not just the jaw-chomping, eyeball bursting, arm-ripping gore of it all, it's not the chainsaw wielding, gun-toting, society crumbling anarchistic wanna-be within me that spurs it on. I just think Zombies themselves are so fantastic- they are me in the morning, times a million. They are the single minded animalistic and literally rotten to the core. They are the part of us that really WOULD bite someones head off if they looked at us the wrong way.

2012 has really hyped it up, this end of the world vibe is nearly at fever-pitch, only one month and two days until we find out of the Mayan's really got it right (I am suspecting they may have miscalculated slightly, what with them not predicting the demise of their own society and all that)

Saul and I were chatting the other day about how Zombie films have really got out of hand, you have of course the classic 'Dawn of the Dead' et al, the comic 'Juan & Shaun of the Dead' and 'Zombieland', and the chilling '28 Days Later' and 'The Walking Dead' but why are there no zombie films from the zombies point of view? Maybe there are, although I am a zombie-film aficionado I am certainly not one of the highest class, I am sure there is probably some little known film lurking around that is all 'Brains' and 'Gak' the enjoyment of chewing someones face off.... but if there isn't, I thought I would run with it, just for fun and if some Hollywood producer sees this and wants to offer me a cool million for the idea, then that's fine by me too....

I enjoyed writing this so much, I managed to complete the whole thing from start to finish in under 24 hours which really helped and I posed for all the zombie facial expression which was so much fun, my phone is now filled with random pictures of me gurning and gnashing my teeth!

Ohhh Zombies- somehow you make me complete, I'm just waiting for the apocalypse now.... I'm gonna don my old DM's, a tight crop top and some figure hugging jeans, find me a chainsaw and head out onto the streets for some good old fashion mayhem!

Wish me luck and pray you don't get zombified before me!

One for my friends

I read through this blog and realised that I had written nothing positive or cheerful for the last twelve months or so.

I thought I should remedy this and so wrote a short graphic story all about my friends as they always make me feel positive and joyful- but still the urge to slip into sarcasm and cynicism was overwhelming... it was harder than I thought to maintain that upbeat vibe.

I think I did it though and when we have all stopped being sick into our hats at the twee-ness of it all, here is my attempt at an upbeat story.

I wanted the style of the art to reflect the passing of time, so the first page is my attempt at the sort of style you might find in a children's illustrated book, the second page more comic (to reflect the teenager years) and the last two pages are supposed to be more realistic (ergo adult)

So obviously now the next thing I write really needs to be dark and morbid otherwise I might just turn into Mrs Normal... *shudder*

All that spooky stuff- the remedy to fast approaching christmas....

I'll make it clear, Christmas and I - we're not friends.... it doesn't love me, or my wallet and that's not to mention how much it hates my waistline but what I really hate is the unending demands to make Christmas cards (too glittery for my liking) paper chains (gluey tongue taste- urgh!) and Christmas tree/ reindeer/ angels decorations for the tree (tacky as hell and the kids will insist on you putting up the mouldy salt dough decorations they made when they were two) But Halloween arts and crafts? Now that is fun....

This year I was helping a friend out with her party by providing games and decorations and suchlike.... I had a great time making them- I had to fend the kids off with a sharp stick in case their 'helping' ruined my masterpieces... I mean who doesn't love making giant zombie posters and huge Mayan skulls? Who doesn't love that? Freaky weirdo's- that's who.

So here is a photo montage of my past few weeks fun times, roll on next Halloween say I....

Here are the gravestones we made from cardboard boxes and I say we, but what I actually mean is that I deigned to let the children paint them black and then shoo-ed them away before they ruined my masterpiece. We had the idea that these would go in the garden and then someone would jump out on the kids during the party. It would have been great... but it was raining- typical. So no heart attacks this year.

 

 

This is the 'pin the eye on the zombie' game- we made many eyeballs for the kids to stick upon the missing eye socket- the game itself was a bit if a disaster on the night (we had forgotten a blindfold and had to rely on the kids covering their own eyes and not cheating- ha!) but I do really like this picture as I have somehow managed to pap my own hand with a spooky Halloween effect- awesome! I can't claim that much credit for any of the zombies whom I basically nicked from my 'The Walking Dead' graphic novels but you know copying something can be a fine art in itself.

 

 



 and in the same vein here are the back door decorations- three zombies pushing up against the glass trying to get in- which would have probably looked pretty awesome had it not been raining.

This was the 'squidy feely' table- within the holes in the piece I placed jelly for brains, a boiled egg for an eyeball, rice pudding for snot and a cooked mushroom for a tongue. This was a big hit and I was really pleased with it because is took AGES to finish! However it had the added bonus of being completely free to make (aside from the cost of the glue) Score!

My most accomplished piece of work (in life in general) Baron Samedi and the Voodoo Queen- bless 'em- no run-of-the-mill bog-standard Vampire costume for them....

And here's me, the creepy rag doll... I thought I looked great but I didn't win the costume competition- some people have no taste....

and finally, Saul wrote a wonderfully creepy story in the style of Rhoald Dahl for the kids. I loved it... here it is

Joseph and Josie Wilington-Thatch

Would mess around at the allotment patch

When Mum, or Dad were bent in toil,

Weeding, or planting in the soil,

They’d be off engaged in mischief

She was a vandal, he was a thief.

 

One day while Josie was kicking a marrow

Joseph turned up with a shiny wheelbarrow

That he had stolen from allotment eight

With some strawbs from plot 5, that he sat and ate

“Give me some berries” said his wretched sister

He aimed one at her head, but sadly it missed her.

Scoffing them back he looked around,

For something to steal and wrench from the ground,

His eyes settled on a pumpkin plantation

Under a willow tree and under much vegetation

The fruit that it yielded were rare in their size

 Swelled were his eyes at the thought of this prize

He yelled to his sis, “clap your eyes on those melons”

“Pumpkins stupid” said the second of the felons

“Whatever” said Joseph, “You know what I mean”

“And it’s only a few night ‘til its Halloween”

“Our Jack-o-lantern will be the envy of the street”

“And we’ll make pumpkin pie for us to eat”

 

So they wheeled their barrow up to the bush

Selected the largest and gave it a push

Such was the girth of this monstrous growth

That it stuck in the earth and took them both

Considerable time to wrench it free

You may not believe it, but it sounded to me

That as it broke from its roots ‘neath the soil and the clay

The very ground moaned and the willow did sway

But Joseph and Josie were already heaving

The huge pumpkin in to the cart and leaving

To hide it in the boot of Mum’s car

It took twenty minutes (and it wasn’t that far)

They got it in at the very last moment

As Mum broke from digging in the allotment

And hollered to them “Come now it’s time to be going”

“I’m all done planting here and the grass needs mowing”

When they got home and Mum looked in to the boot

She was appalled to find their stolen loot

But it was by then too late to return the squash

“It’s a sin to waste food and we’re short on dosh”

So Dad was summoned to heft it inside

They soon found it even too big to reside

On the kitchen table, so it was placed

On the floor, so Mum could carve it a face

Though her knife was sharp and she really tried

She could not break its leathery orange hide

“It’s just too thick” was her exclamation

She slumped on the floor in utter frustration.

Dad tried and succeeded in bending the blade

But on closer inspection, no mark had he made

He too defeated started to smile

And rummaged in his drawer for a while

He produced a black marker and drew on the features

When he’d finished there glared a fearsome creature

Spiked pumpkin teeth and terrible eyes

It gave their pet cat a nasty surprise

When she came in to the kitchen to beg them for scraps

She hissed at it and shot out of the both the cat flaps

They went to bed after supper at nine

And for most of the night all slept fine

But at around 3 Joseph woke with a start

He could hear the beating of his heart

But also a scraping, squelching sound

Coming closer on the ground

At the foot of his aeroplane bed

He shook the sleep from his tired head

And summoned the courage to peek from the duvet

What he saw chilled him and took his breath away

For there on the carpet and staring right back

Was the evil face of pumpkin jack

But how had it moved in the middle of the night

All the way up stairs to give him a fright?

As he pondered this question in his tiny head

The pumpkin spoke and it’s voice dripped dread

“Take me back to the Pumpkin Patch”

“Or you’ll regret it Joseph Thatch”

Joe stammered his terrified reply

“I’ll take you back” was his snivelling cry

“I’m sorry I took you, I’ve been so amoral”

“I’ll never steal anything again – no quarrel”

He shot under the blanket and pulled it down tight

He did not sleep a wink all night

In the morning the pumpkin was back in its place

The same deranged look on its nasty face

He could not eat his cornflakes, felt it’s eyes burning black

Suddenly he spluttered “Can we please take it back?”

His father looked up from doing the crossword

“Take what where son? come now make yourself heard”

 “Take the pumpkin back to where it belongs”

“I stole it and now I repent, it was wrong”

His mother laughed, “that’s a turn for the book”

“He wants to return something that he took”

“This being the first time he has shown some remorse”

“I’m keen we support him and not throw him off course”

“I’ll drive you down there later today”

“But you’ll have to carry it yourself by the way”

His sister did not trust his rapid change

And thought his behaviour very strange

She caught him later on his own

And asked what had prompted his change of tone?

He told her of the events of the night before

How he was utterly, totally sure

That if the stolen squash was not taken home

It would probably eat them and spit out their bones

She sniggered at the thought of a little nightmare

Giving her big brother such a scare

And called him a “scardey-cat cowardly custard”,

As yellow as margarine, lemon curd or  mustard

She laughed all the way back to the pumpkin bush

Where Joseph rolled it back in to place with a push

Josie couldn’t resist and gave it a kick

Delighted with this she picked up a big stick

And raised it high to smash on the fruit

When out of the ground curled a tangled root

It gripped her ankle and pulled her down with a scream

There was only one of her hair ribbons where she’d been

Before Joseph could cry out, he too was gripped

With a creeper that held him too tight to be slipped

It pulled him down deep in to the mud

Up through the plant and out as a bud

That formed quickly in to large crops on the ground

Bright orange fruits, both succulent and round.

As it so happened that very day

The mayor of the town was passing that way

 He spied the two pumpkins laying there

And decided they would be perfect for the Halloween fair

He instructed his assistant Miss Moutengrip

To lift them and take care not to slip

with the gigantic pair of squash

in fact the Mayor’s brain was awash

with the accolades and prizes the he would receive

when ‘best in show’ the fruits did achieve.

When evening came, whilst their poor parents despaired

For their young children, missing and scared

Their gruesome fate was finally revealed

Josie had been cooked up, chopped and peeled

And made into the most glorious pumpkin pie

To share amongst the village and houses nearby

Joseph, he took pride of place

With the most scary face

Gnarled, frightful and thin

Carved into his pumpkin skin

So as you carve your pumpkin this Halloween night

Be sure it’s not stolen, or you might get a fright!

 

 

So for now, I am off to finish my newest graphic story (to be posted fairly soon) and I will keep editing my novel which will soon, hopefully be done after only a decade of writing it.

Comica Entry 2012

'Anticipations'

Created for the 2012 Comica Graphic Short Story Competition.

I hope you enjoy...

 



I finshed them! (Maybe....)

Yeah, I am in a celebratory mood- I finished my paintings! I had this concept of having a panel with six different coloured paintings so they had an effect of bright squares of colour on the wall, revealing further detail when looked at closely- and I ACTUALLY managed to finish them! (And it only took nearly two years....)

I thought I would take a self-congratulatory moment (as everyone in the house is long past caring, two years of waiting will sap your enthusiasm like that) to upload them and wax lyric about the deeper meaning (basically none....) of each piece.

I'll do them in order....

This is 'Tube Strike Blues' started way back in December 2010 when Saul got sick of me moaning 'I can't paint' and went out and bought me some paints, canvas's and paintbrushes with a no nonsense 'well bloody learn then' attitude... good for him! The blue colour scheme was actually a complete accident, I was going to do the scene in normal tones but my printer ran out of coloured ink and printed the orginal picture (fleeced from Google images and probably copyrighted to the hilt- so ssshhh!) in blue tones. I quite liked it as everyone looked cold and fed up  and it really reminded me of living in London when there is a tube strike- it's never on a lovely sunny day.
 My favourite bits of the picture? The big guy in the hood on the phone- who is out of proportion with everyone else- but I quite like them being a bit all over the place (this is a reacurring theme in each picture- yeah I meant to do that!) The girl smoking and blowing smoke in everyones face- there's always one and it used to be me... and the pretty girl whose hair manages to look like a hood. This is my favourite picture mostly because of the colour scheme (I love blue) but also because I was really pleased with how it turned out, I hadn't painted anything really since school and never with acrylics before and was amazed at how easy they are to use. This one got me into painting again so I will always love it!

This is 'Stationary Envy' finished in  roughly April 2011. By now I had my colour scheme idea and liked the idea of a green picture- however I must say it's my least favourite and what I dislike is the different shades of green in the peoples faces, (blue is much easier because you can just use white for skin tone) However I was really pleased with the background and particularly keen on the light shining through the bus stop glass. It is of course another tube strike picture but this one was much more still then the first- I really liked the nervous tension in the original picture and I think there is an element of this in the painting.

Nicely political 'We're not Blue' (ie. We aren't Tory's) is a picture of the student protest's regarding tution fee's in January 2011- although I have tried to make it slightly non-specific as a protest piece by not writing any slogans on the placards as I think it  could stand up as any protest anywhere. I found the red really difficult to work with, which is why it veers into yellow and purple. As a piece of art in it's own right I really like it, I think it shows that dark, smoky intense atmosphere-  but as part of the group of six I think it slightly detracts as it is not quite true to the 'all one colour theme', annoyingly it seems to be most people's favourite....

'Another Dark Day' a painting of the Dale Farm evictions in October 2011. Politically, I know it's a bit contentious and I don't really know the ins and outs of it all- I won't pretend to be well versed in all the details but my emotional response to the situation was that it was a big bag of shite.... sending the police in to evict people from their homes really really sucks. I know it was green belt land and etc etc but still; it sucks.
Artistically this was one of my favourites, really lovely colour pallet to use, black and white and grey are very old school as a technique and I didn't really have to think about the colour scheme much. I like the overall effect and was pretty pleased with it.
The piece itself is dark and moody, looks really tense and had a good sense of depth- so that's all good then.

'The Hazey Phases Sunshine Crew' Lovely yellowness... I wanted to do a picture of a small crowd as opposed to a massive one- this is a picture from 'Glade Festival 2010' but the painting itself was finished in around June 2011.  I just wanted to show that lovely hazey hot day, scorched skin and grass festival thing. I'm not keen on Saul's greenish shirt but otherwise I think it's pretty good and everyone looks like everyone... always a bonus.

Lastly 'Carnival Crush', I hated using the orange but felt it was really appropriate to the scene (I was also running out of colours!) It started off as a picture of the tomato festival in Spain but Saul pointed out that as the other pictrues were UK based it would probably be more appropriate to use the Nottinghill Carnival as the setting (he's always right!) So I promptly nicked a load of pictures from the net and set about creating an entirely original image (the only one, the others are all copies of a photographic image) I was really pleased with the end result, I wanted it to represent flames and movement and I think it almost achieves it! It's a happy picture, with lots of people watching other people, like in a real crowd- it serves it's purpose but I'm glad I don't have to use orange anymore.

And here they all are together as orginally intended! I was really pleased- nay smug about it all until Saul said 'Hmmmmm, you could probably do with another three, then it will really work....'

I might have a break first.....

I see you....

It's been a while....

I've been painting (as yet unfinished) drawing ( as yet unfinished) writing (you get the idea....) and at some point will have a wealth of material to upload and unleash upon an awed public but finishing things is hard and you know, 'Dave' is now showing Man versus Food (the dogging of food porn) and ITV4 has started showing the new series of River Monsters (Smug Angler versus Giant Fish) and what's a girl to do? How can I possibly finish anything with all that going on? Oh yeah and you know, working, childcare, housework actually having some sort of life- yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway in the interest of having something to show for my last two months conspicuous absence I have today completed a little mini project, just to show I can actually finish something once I start it.

Having always had a bit of a 'artists block' (too pretentious?) when it comes to drawing myself I decided to try and master my unsymmetrical features and draw the same picture four times in different mediums. I was also curious as to what style would work best and actually it has produced varied results. The household are divided as to which picture they prefer, I have a clear favourite but won't air it as I wouldn't want to swing any ones opinion.

I started with a photo of my eyes taken on my phone camera... as follows

This is taken with no filters, I have just cropped the rest of my face- as it is preferable to seeing all of it.                                                                                                                                                               

I then instragramed the uncropped picture as it wouldn't let me upload an odd shaped picture for some reason- curse you instagram!

Then I used the phone app Picasso- which is a very basic drawing tool like paint for your phone and the £2.50 stylus I got from ebay to draw the following picture- for the record I have only been using this app and stylus for about three weeks and as of yet I have not perfected it but I am certainly improving! This somehow manages to look vaguely like a 1980's makeup catastrophe but in a cool way....                                                                                                                                                 

This was then followed with 'old faithful' HB pencil for your classic style line drawing which is always a joy to draw, there is something about soft grey lines on white paper which is pleasing to the eye (mine at least!)

The inevitable next step was coloured pencils, but I decided not to use naturalistic colours as I was working from the instagram photo and thought that something a bit more surreal might work, I think I managed to pull it off, even if I did end up looking a bit alienafied.     

Lastly I used the biro for a hard line graphic image. These images for me always end up looking a little bit contorted and I think this has to do with the permanent nature of a pen line, although I don't often use a rubber when drawing I tend to use a very soft line which I then harden when I am satisfied it is in the right place, you don't have this luxury with biro so occasionally your picture will end up looking a little bit squinty eyed- regardless though I have a fondness for this kind of caricature exaggerated image.

and so there you have four very different images, each one with it's own merits and a completed study all in one evening! Hooray! (I was going to add one on black paper with white pencil but lost the will to live...)

I would be interested to hear which picture people prefer if you can be bothered to care.

So now, back to painting my masterpieces, writing my bestsellers and completing my winning entry into the Comica graphic short story competition this year (yeah right!)                                           



Evolutionary pondering

This week I have been mostly painting but thought I would take five to upload an old story which I really quite loved but was unable to finish.

It is based on a conversation I had with Ella into the nature of death and I was going to write a second part to it exploring how her and my attitudes had changed over 20 years but I realised when I finished the first part that there was no way I could do that until I had actually  had that conversation with her adult self... I have no idea what her attitude to it all will be when she is 25 (and indeed when I am 49)  and in the last 3 years since I wrote she has already changed so much beyond what I ever thought possible that I am glad I didn't try and force it and get it completely wrong.

So, check back in 17 years and I will finish it off, until then...enjoy the first instalment

Ella provide the adorable pictures in the little girls thought bubbles, they are her interpretation of heaven, god and the universe which are fantastic, I have always loved talking to children about these sort of philosophical teachings because their take on it is so novel. Ella said she thought that heaven was a huge tower block which never stopped growing. She though everyone would have their own room and in the room would be whatever they wanted. They could also come out of their room and go meet anyone from anytime in history who was also in heaven. I loved that idea and one day might nick it for a story and then take all the credit!

Blind Love

Finally finished- or more appropriately for the art-noir style I am going for... finally fini....

I have always really liked the intimate style of this type of comic strip. I feel like by just drawing the immediate surrounding objects and faces and hands it really draws you in and makes you feel as if you were in a private conversation. In this story in particular that is very necessary, I hope that by doing this the reader was tricked for long enough that they didn't question why she wasn't joining in the conversation!

Thank you Mariammah for your idea, I am stuck now as I am not sure what I am doing next and will have to wait for an idea to present itself, so I think for a while it will probably just be pictures being posted on here but I am sure a new idea will come along fairly shortly. (Time to start reading the papers again methinks!) 

A Teensy bit Political?

I am taking a short break from my current short graphic story to have a pop at two things- one is the guardian's short story competition that I am going to (perhaps) have a go at (the spec is tricky and has to be fairly upbeat- oh no! and it has to be in by the 15th March- double Oh no!) and also I have spent an enjoyable couple of days painting a modernistic version of Lady Godiva, with Rebakah Wade in the saddle on her trusty police horse, trotting past Scotland Yard.

I can take no glory for the idea, which was Saul's (political genius that he is) and was unable to fulfil his original spec which was to have the horses face as Ian Blair and the horses arse as David Cameron- oh if only I had the skills.... however I was pretty pleased with myself for managing to actually finish it whilst the news was still current for a change.

So, I imagine the next few days will be filled with me frantically typing and result in me NOT entering the Guardian's short story comp, due to a major lack of talent and grammatical skill.

In the meantime, here is Lady Wade-iva for you to enjoy

Obviously, it is more of a cartoon representation than anything else but I had lots of fun doing it and thank goodness for her trademark red hair which makes her pretty recognisable without having to paint the face in too much detail.

All Quiet on the Western Front

Drawing not quite a fail at the moment but almost... despite being mostly wrapped up in work, kids and the cleansing power of pine floor cleaner I have managed to squeeze in a bit of creativity. Three pages into my new story at the moment but it is a much quicker work rate as there is no colour... getting back to my black and white roots for a while.
I have been deeply pleased with the basic editor provided by microsoft paint which has enabled me to fix the few things on each page which I didn't like (there are inevitably always a few). Paint is so basic it makes me feel like a genius in comparison... I love it!
The new story it is a much more traditional comic layout which scared me somewhat at first as it meant I would need to use a ruler and stringently measure everything- it has worked well mostly- enough for it to be passable, I'm quite happy with it- for a change. The ruler has not quite been consigned to the drawer in which I keep all things artistic which I deem to be anal but there is a space reserved for it...
I don't want to give too much away but the new story is a love story with a twist- thanks very much to Mariammah who gave me the spark in the first place, I shall dedicate it to you if I ever get famous!
Just to wet your appetite here is one cell and a self-portrait which I scribbled down in the same style. (Apparently my nose is too big- not sure if that means in the picture or in real life)

So there you have it- big nosed me and small nosed romantic bloke (whose face I have based roughly on Leonardo Dicaprio's- not because I think he's handsome but because I think he looks so weird he was worthy of drawing) Now as ever, it is just a case of finishing it.

Tis' done....Night Terrors

Was planning on spending maybe half an hour tidying the finished piece off this morning and instead spent a gruelling four hours re-doing art work and cursing loudly when my computer refused to comply with my (what I believed to be) simple requests.

So, I think it has taken me about a week to finish this, which for me is some sort of record- I felt a renewed pressure knowing that I had promised a finished result and it reconfirmed in me that deadlines are not my favourite thing.

A few words on the finished piece....

The layout is incredibly clunky and doesn't always quite work... in response to this I advise you to always read the highest box first regardless of whether it is on the left or right and then read downwards towards the bottom left hand corner.

The writing, I know, is far too bright however my own handwriting is in all fairness pretty darn awful- even when I am using my bestest, neatest penmanship and I decided to spare everyone the pain of trying to decipher it. Plus ever tried using a white pencil on black paper and making it legible? Well, let me tell you- it's pretty difficult without going over each letter about a trillion times and then you are left with one huge mess.

Saul thought that having the backing pages with the smaller frames on top was cluttered- I wanted to give it an atmospheric feel though and felt this added to it. I have though included the backing pages on their own before each page. I have done this because some of them are probably the best pieces of art within the story and I didn't want them to loose their impact.

Here it is... creepy, weird and hopefully slightly wonderful. I hope you enjoy...



An afternote- if you try reading this with any glare on your screen you will probably fail.I had an attempt at fiddling with the contrast of the pictures so they were clearer but again technical knowhow is not in abundance...

What's next you ask? I predict an plethera of whittering aimlessly about old pieces of art. I have a painting to finish and a valentines card to design. A good friend of mine has also given me a great idea for a story which I have roughly sketched. Seeing as the rough sketches of this piece where done in July last year, I wouldn't hold your breath to see the results of that one anytime soon!